Credit: link. I didn't write it myself.

"I like taking pointless Facebook surveys as much as the next person. But, since they’re mostly about kissing, I started to wonder how someone completely incapable of feeling love might handle such things. So I just had to tag my good pal Lord Voldemort in my most recent survey. Here's what he had to say:

Was your last kiss standing up, sitting down, or lying down?
The only kiss I believe in is the Dementor's kiss, and as I have very little soul remaining in my withered husk of a body, one would have little effect on me.

Whose bed were you on last?
Nagini's,...