1. I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor will I insist that their House colors indicate that they are "covered in bees"
2. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.
3. "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.
4. Putting up Doug Henning posters in Filch's office is not appropriate.
5. I will not go to class sky clad.
6. The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.
7. I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "I told you I was hardcore".
8. I will stop referring to showering as "giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful".
9. I will not insist the house elves serve fried snake to the Slytherins.
10. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.
11. House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.
12. Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's Defense Against Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever moneymaking concept.
13. Seamus Finnegan is not "after me Lucky Charms".
14. I will not refer to the Weasley twins as "bookends".
15. I will not tye-dye all of the owls.
16. I will not reenact Harry Potter Puppet Pals in the Great Hall
17. Or anywhere else for that matter.
18. I will not shave Mrs. Norris.
19. I will not refer to the Patil twins as "bookends".
20. I will not write all my essays in red ink claiming it is blood.
21. I will not ask Lupin if it his time of the month.
22. I will not provide Luna Lovegood with Coast to Coast AM transcripts.
23. I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class.
24. I am not allowed to tell Hufflepuffs there is no Santa Clause.
25. I am not allowed to refer to myself as the New Dark Lord.
26. I am not a sloth Animagus.
27. I am not allowed to steal Professor Flitwicks wand, hold it over my head and laugh as he tries to reach it.
28. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or piranha.
29. I do not weight the same as a duck.
30. Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.
31. I am not allowed to wear death eater robes to dinner and shout Long live Lord Voldemort because I think it's funny.
32. I will not kiss Trevor.
33. I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is.
34. Skiving Snackboxes are not a suitable gift for first-years.
35. Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is coincidental.
36. I am not allowed to sneak into Professor Snapes private chambers to watch him sing I Will Survive in the mirror, asit is disturbing.
37. I will not mock Dumbledore with exaggerated limb movements.
38. I am not allowed to draw a smiley face on my arm and tell everyone it's the new Dark Mark.
39. Asking "How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?" and walking away is only funny the first time.
40. I will not offer to pose nude for Colin Creevey.
41. I will not insist that the trees in the Forbidden Forest are Ent wives.
42. It is a bad idea to tell Professor Snape he takes himself too seriously.
43. It is a bad idea to tell Professor McGonagall she takes herself too seriously.
44. I am not to Owl copies of the Evil Overlord List to suspected Death Eaters.
45. I will not offer to prepare tandoori owl.
46. I will stop asking when we will learn to make "Love Potion Number Nine".
47. I will not ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.
48. I will not ask Ginny how to properly strangle a chicken.
49. If Ginny Weasley wanted to borrow my Darkover books, she would have said so already.
50. I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.
51. Sirius Black did not found the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation.
52. I will not draw an H on Percy Weasley's forehead.
53. Filch does not have a sister named Magenta.
54. I will refrain from wearing black leather gloves at all times and saying "Hogwarts is mother, Hogwarts is father".
55. Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab does not sell potions ingredients, and I will not resell their products as "Veela Pheromones".
56. I will not refer to the Slytherin dorms as "the Tremere chantry".
57. The Malfoys are not Draka.
58. Hogwarts does not have a student council. Even if it did, they would not wear the rose seal. Therefore I will ceasegoing after the prefects with a sword.
59. Richard Upton Pickman did not paint The Fat Lady.
60. I will not refer to Umbridge as Queen of the Toads, even if she really is.
61. I will not sweep the Gryffindor common room with Harry Potter's prized Firebolt.
62. The Giant Squid has never made an appearance in any hentai film.
63. It is wrong to refer to Aragog as "Charlotte".
64. Professor Flitwick's first name in not Yoda.
65. I will not refer to the hippogryph as "Horseybird".
66. I am no longer allowed to use the words "pimp cane" in front of Draco Malfoy.
67. -Or any other Slytherin.
68. I will not "borrow" a prefects' badge for Peeves.
69. I am not the Defense Against the Boring Classes Professor.
70. -Nor am I the Care of Witches Underwear Professor.
71. -I am not a Professor, at all.
72. I will not replace Madam Pomfrey's Skele-Gro with pumpkin juice.
73. -I will not replace Professor Snape's pumpkin juice with Skele-Gro.
74. -It was not an honest mistake.
74. I will not swap Draco's broom with one out of Filch's broom cupboard.
76. I am no longer allowed in the student laundry.
77. -Or the teacher laundry.
78. Nor am I allowed to ever cast an Invisibility charm again.
79. While wand safety is an important issue, I am no longer allowed to distribute any pamphlet, which makes reference to Belinda the Buttless.
80. It is generally accepted that Cats and Dragons cannot interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory,no matter how wicked the result would be.
81. I will not give any girl a one half of a set of two-way mirrors as a Christmas present.
82. -Especially if I don't tell her what it is.
83. Gryffindor courage does not come in bottles labeled firewhiskey.
84. -Charming the label does not change anything.
85. I am not allowed to eat Chocolate Frogs in Potions class.
86. -Even if I brought enough for everyone.
87. -Emptying a bag full of them onto Professor Snape's desk to prove this last is unacceptable behaviour.
88. Peeves may not countermand any of my professors' or prefects' orders.
89. No matter what Professor Umbridge may tell me to the contrary, I am not authorized to form press gangs.
90. Chemistry and Potions don't mix.
91. -Testing this last is not funny.
92. Crucifixes do not ward off Slytherins, and I should not test that.
93. May not mock Professor Umbridge in front of the press.
94. I may not speak Latin in front of the books.
95. The proper way to report to Professor McGonagall is "You wanted to see me, Professor?" Not "I have it on good authority that you have no evidence."
96. May not insinuate that all beautiful American exchange students to Gryffindor or Slytherin House in Harry Potter'sYear are Lockhart's misbegotten heirs, even if it's true.
97. I am not possessed by the ghost of Lady Macbeth.
98. -Neither is The Fat Lady.
99. When someone accuses me of not wearing any drawers, I should ignore them. Attempting to prove them wrong isindecent.
100. -Especially if I can't.
2. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.
3. "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.
4. Putting up Doug Henning posters in Filch's office is not appropriate.
5. I will not go to class sky clad.
6. The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.
7. I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "I told you I was hardcore".
8. I will stop referring to showering as "giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful".
9. I will not insist the house elves serve fried snake to the Slytherins.
10. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.
11. House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.
12. Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's Defense Against Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever moneymaking concept.
13. Seamus Finnegan is not "after me Lucky Charms".
14. I will not refer to the Weasley twins as "bookends".
15. I will not tye-dye all of the owls.
16. I will not reenact Harry Potter Puppet Pals in the Great Hall
17. Or anywhere else for that matter.
18. I will not shave Mrs. Norris.
19. I will not refer to the Patil twins as "bookends".
20. I will not write all my essays in red ink claiming it is blood.
21. I will not ask Lupin if it his time of the month.
22. I will not provide Luna Lovegood with Coast to Coast AM transcripts.
23. I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class.
24. I am not allowed to tell Hufflepuffs there is no Santa Clause.
25. I am not allowed to refer to myself as the New Dark Lord.
26. I am not a sloth Animagus.
27. I am not allowed to steal Professor Flitwicks wand, hold it over my head and laugh as he tries to reach it.
28. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or piranha.
29. I do not weight the same as a duck.
30. Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.
31. I am not allowed to wear death eater robes to dinner and shout Long live Lord Voldemort because I think it's funny.
32. I will not kiss Trevor.
33. I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is.
34. Skiving Snackboxes are not a suitable gift for first-years.
35. Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is coincidental.
36. I am not allowed to sneak into Professor Snapes private chambers to watch him sing I Will Survive in the mirror, asit is disturbing.
37. I will not mock Dumbledore with exaggerated limb movements.
38. I am not allowed to draw a smiley face on my arm and tell everyone it's the new Dark Mark.
39. Asking "How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?" and walking away is only funny the first time.
40. I will not offer to pose nude for Colin Creevey.
41. I will not insist that the trees in the Forbidden Forest are Ent wives.
42. It is a bad idea to tell Professor Snape he takes himself too seriously.
43. It is a bad idea to tell Professor McGonagall she takes herself too seriously.
44. I am not to Owl copies of the Evil Overlord List to suspected Death Eaters.
45. I will not offer to prepare tandoori owl.
46. I will stop asking when we will learn to make "Love Potion Number Nine".
47. I will not ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.
48. I will not ask Ginny how to properly strangle a chicken.
49. If Ginny Weasley wanted to borrow my Darkover books, she would have said so already.
50. I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.
51. Sirius Black did not found the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation.
52. I will not draw an H on Percy Weasley's forehead.
53. Filch does not have a sister named Magenta.
54. I will refrain from wearing black leather gloves at all times and saying "Hogwarts is mother, Hogwarts is father".
55. Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab does not sell potions ingredients, and I will not resell their products as "Veela Pheromones".
56. I will not refer to the Slytherin dorms as "the Tremere chantry".
57. The Malfoys are not Draka.
58. Hogwarts does not have a student council. Even if it did, they would not wear the rose seal. Therefore I will ceasegoing after the prefects with a sword.
59. Richard Upton Pickman did not paint The Fat Lady.
60. I will not refer to Umbridge as Queen of the Toads, even if she really is.
61. I will not sweep the Gryffindor common room with Harry Potter's prized Firebolt.
62. The Giant Squid has never made an appearance in any hentai film.
63. It is wrong to refer to Aragog as "Charlotte".
64. Professor Flitwick's first name in not Yoda.
65. I will not refer to the hippogryph as "Horseybird".
66. I am no longer allowed to use the words "pimp cane" in front of Draco Malfoy.
67. -Or any other Slytherin.
68. I will not "borrow" a prefects' badge for Peeves.
69. I am not the Defense Against the Boring Classes Professor.
70. -Nor am I the Care of Witches Underwear Professor.
71. -I am not a Professor, at all.
72. I will not replace Madam Pomfrey's Skele-Gro with pumpkin juice.
73. -I will not replace Professor Snape's pumpkin juice with Skele-Gro.
74. -It was not an honest mistake.
74. I will not swap Draco's broom with one out of Filch's broom cupboard.
76. I am no longer allowed in the student laundry.
77. -Or the teacher laundry.
78. Nor am I allowed to ever cast an Invisibility charm again.
79. While wand safety is an important issue, I am no longer allowed to distribute any pamphlet, which makes reference to Belinda the Buttless.
80. It is generally accepted that Cats and Dragons cannot interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory,no matter how wicked the result would be.
81. I will not give any girl a one half of a set of two-way mirrors as a Christmas present.
82. -Especially if I don't tell her what it is.
83. Gryffindor courage does not come in bottles labeled firewhiskey.
84. -Charming the label does not change anything.
85. I am not allowed to eat Chocolate Frogs in Potions class.
86. -Even if I brought enough for everyone.
87. -Emptying a bag full of them onto Professor Snape's desk to prove this last is unacceptable behaviour.
88. Peeves may not countermand any of my professors' or prefects' orders.
89. No matter what Professor Umbridge may tell me to the contrary, I am not authorized to form press gangs.
90. Chemistry and Potions don't mix.
91. -Testing this last is not funny.
92. Crucifixes do not ward off Slytherins, and I should not test that.
93. May not mock Professor Umbridge in front of the press.
94. I may not speak Latin in front of the books.
95. The proper way to report to Professor McGonagall is "You wanted to see me, Professor?" Not "I have it on good authority that you have no evidence."
96. May not insinuate that all beautiful American exchange students to Gryffindor or Slytherin House in Harry Potter'sYear are Lockhart's misbegotten heirs, even if it's true.
97. I am not possessed by the ghost of Lady Macbeth.
98. -Neither is The Fat Lady.
99. When someone accuses me of not wearing any drawers, I should ignore them. Attempting to prove them wrong isindecent.
100. -Especially if I can't.
The following is from The Whimsic Alley Book of Spells. Any irony present is not intended by me.
A Commanding Spell and Potion
by Dan "Rad" Cliffe
INCANTATION
Impero homo
DESCRIPTION
This is a spell and potion to make people do as you say.
Potion ingredients:
Five grams of salt from the Dead Sea
Ten spoons of honey
One full ink cartridge (any color)
A drink the victim likes
50 ml. of your sweat
SPELL
First make the potion in the following way:
You need to take a glass,
Add salt from the sea of the dead,
Add the 50 ml. of sweat,
And stir with a spoon of lead.
Take the honey in a bowl,
Add it to the ink,
Stir the mixture 'round and 'round,
Then you're ready to add the drink.
Thirdly, add the favorite drink.
The potion wil need to wait a year.
After that the potion is ready,
And tell the victim to drink a beer.
Wave your wand over the ingredients and say, "Impero homo." Now they will bed yours to command.
A Commanding Spell and Potion
by Dan "Rad" Cliffe
INCANTATION
Impero homo
DESCRIPTION
This is a spell and potion to make people do as you say.
Potion ingredients:
Five grams of salt from the Dead Sea
Ten spoons of honey
One full ink cartridge (any color)
A drink the victim likes
50 ml. of your sweat
SPELL
First make the potion in the following way:
You need to take a glass,
Add salt from the sea of the dead,
Add the 50 ml. of sweat,
And stir with a spoon of lead.
Take the honey in a bowl,
Add it to the ink,
Stir the mixture 'round and 'round,
Then you're ready to add the drink.
Thirdly, add the favorite drink.
The potion wil need to wait a year.
After that the potion is ready,
And tell the victim to drink a beer.
Wave your wand over the ingredients and say, "Impero homo." Now they will bed yours to command.
Okay I am a Harry and Hermione shipper. I like them together. I still love the author and i still like Ginny. I never really cared for Ron because of the way he treated Harry. Anyways... I concluded she could put anyone (minus Cho) with Harry and he is a good match with them. Harry is just one of those guys. He has a great heart. If Harry couldn't be with Hermione i wish it was with Luna. But in the books i can see that he is good for Ginny. I dont hate her. I dont mind her. I just dont like that fangirl kinda love. well my friend and me had a argument over this and i wouldn't budge. But i do think it is crazy to hate an amazing author for a pairing.
Ingredients
2 cups self-rising flour, or plain flour sifted with 2 tsp baking powder
Pinch of salt (optional)
1/2 cup butter or margarine
1/2 cup fine granulated sugar
1 cup mixed dried fruit (such as a mixture of moist packs of dried apricots, raisins and cranberries)
Finely grated rind of small orange
1 egg, beaten
3 Tbsp milk
Juice of 1/2 small orange
Instructions
Preheat oven to 425 ºF.
Lightly grease baking tray.
Sift flour and salt together.
Using pastry blender, cut margarine or butter into the flour.
Add sugar, dried fruit and orange rind.
Stir in egg.
Add milk and just enough juice to make a stiff, sticky consistency that will stand in peaks when stirred with a knife.
Put walnut-sized heaps of mixture on baking tray.
Allow them to keep a rough, rocky shape.
Do not flatten or smooth them.
Bake for about 10 to 12 minutes or until golden and firm.
Cool completely on rack for flavor to develop.
2 cups self-rising flour, or plain flour sifted with 2 tsp baking powder
Pinch of salt (optional)
1/2 cup butter or margarine
1/2 cup fine granulated sugar
1 cup mixed dried fruit (such as a mixture of moist packs of dried apricots, raisins and cranberries)
Finely grated rind of small orange
1 egg, beaten
3 Tbsp milk
Juice of 1/2 small orange
Instructions
Preheat oven to 425 ºF.
Lightly grease baking tray.
Sift flour and salt together.
Using pastry blender, cut margarine or butter into the flour.
Add sugar, dried fruit and orange rind.
Stir in egg.
Add milk and just enough juice to make a stiff, sticky consistency that will stand in peaks when stirred with a knife.
Put walnut-sized heaps of mixture on baking tray.
Allow them to keep a rough, rocky shape.
Do not flatten or smooth them.
Bake for about 10 to 12 minutes or until golden and firm.
Cool completely on rack for flavor to develop.
Its going to be called "The magical realms collection" For Harry Potter fans there is going to be: Voldemort and Dumbledore ones!!
There is also gonna be Aslan and the White witch from Narnia and Nanny Ogg and Rincewald ones from Terry Pratchett's book Discworld.
There are also going to be Arthurian Legends ones of Morgan le Faye and Merlin !
I have also found out that the UK is getting a Harry Potter atraction (about time too, right?)
however it won't have rides, Hogwarts ect like the one in Florida !*sigh* (And there hasn't been alot of information relesed about it !)
Just a bit of News some of you might like to read!And i realize it isn't completely HP related!
(so please no rude or offensive comments please,thank you xxx)
Well this is my 1st ever fan fiction. Hope you'll enjoy...
This is a very very short and sad story with a really happy ending if you know what i mean....:D
So here goes......
Once upon a time. a boy named Harry Potter fell in love with a girl named Cho Chang "at first sight" coz he knew it'll all over as soon as she opens her mouth*wink*.....
Anyways...they spent some time together and too soon(for Cho at least) Harry asked her:"will you marry me?"
Cho said:"no!!"
And that's how Harry began to live in peace and happiness!!!....
This is a very very short and sad story with a really happy ending if you know what i mean....:D
So here goes......
Once upon a time. a boy named Harry Potter fell in love with a girl named Cho Chang "at first sight" coz he knew it'll all over as soon as she opens her mouth*wink*.....
Anyways...they spent some time together and too soon(for Cho at least) Harry asked her:"will you marry me?"
Cho said:"no!!"
And that's how Harry began to live in peace and happiness!!!....