Less than an hour later Anakin sat back up not able to sleep with the image of Ahsoka's Force Spirit burned into his memory.
Artoo beeped in a sad way.
"I miss her, Artoo, and I don't understand half of what I'm feeling," he said swallowing hard, "I want to cry but....can't. It's wrong to appear weak. I am Ahsoka's Master and I have to stay strong."
Artoo emitted a soft whistle.
"I know I need rest, but everytime I close my eyes, I see Ahsoka's face. I think I'll go visit the library. Maybe Madame Jocasta has something new to read."
Jedi Master and Librarian Jocasta Nu sat at a console organizing a group of archives that Yoda had given her earlier in the day when she saw Anakin walk in.
He looks so sad and tired, she thought, poor child, he's hurting.
"Hello, Anakin. What brings you here at this hour?"
"Can't sleep. Thought I'd come here for awhile. You don't mind, do you?"
"Of course not, child. Master Yoda has given me some new material for the archives. Perhaps, you'd like to see them?"
Anakin tried to smile but couldn't. He nodded and looked over at the much older Jedi smiling a maternal smile at him. For a moment he felt his resolve nearly crack.
"Thank you, Madame Jocasta. Ahsoka always enjoyed coming here. Sometimes I wish I came here more often too, Master Obi-Wan always bugged me to study more when I was still his Padawan. Now I can catch up since....I have more time until....Ahsoka's memorial service."
"I'm so sorry, child. Ahsoka was such a promising youngling. She really cared about you and hoped you'd be proud of her."
"I was..." he corrected himself, "I am proud of her but..."
"...you miss her. It is normal to feel sad when you lose a Padawan. I've seen my share of Masters losing Padawans, myself included."
"How did you get through the pain?" Anakin asked as he turned to a shuffling nearby.
"You seek help, young Anakin," came a almost gruff but soothing voice.
It was old Jedi Master Tera Sinube a Cosian who helped the Republic Security with crime solving when it proved unsolvable.
The old Master walked up to where Anakin sat and put a hand alongside Anakin's face.
"Seek out your other Jedi friends, child. Don't go through this alone. I know that Master Plo so wants to help you but you blame him for Ahsoka's death. He hurts too and wants to talk to you. Ahsoka's death was an unfortunate accident."
Anakin frowned and his eyes welled with tears.
"It's alright to cry, child. You are allowed grief for Ahsoka."
"No," Anakin said pulling away from Master Sinube's touch.
Sinube looked over at Jocasta and shrugged his shoulders. He turned away but felt Anakin's hand on his arm.
"I..I'm sorry, Master Sinube. I..just don't understand everything I'm feeling. I feel sad but more angry than sad."
"It's called grief, young one," Sinube answered sitting down nearby, "You are allowed to grieve for Ahsoka. I know you've heard that Jedi aren't supposed to cry, but you can. I've lost Padawans myself in my many years of being in the Jedi Order. I cried for everyone of them."
Anakin felt his throat tighten up. Tears welled in his eyes and trickled down his cheeks. He quickly wiped them away and cleared his throat.
"Anakin, Master Sinube and I were getting ready to have some tea. Would you like to join us?" Madame Jocasta said seeing the pain on the young Jedi's face.
"Sure," Anakin almost whispered feeling relieved at the older Jedis' presence.
A few minutes later Anakin sat in Madame Jocasta's quarters sipping Cosian Black Tea and enjoying Master Sinube's stories. He was getting sleepy and after a bit excused himself to go back to his quarters.
"Try to sleep, child," Madame Jocasta said, "You look pale and I sense you're a little feverish."
"I'm fine," Anakin lied, "thanks for the tea."
He left and began the walk to his quarters when he spotted Master Plo near the doorway. He felt his anger rise but willed it away.
"Anakin," Master Plo said, "Let's go for a walk in the garden."
"No."
Plo looked right into Anakin's blue eyes and the young Jedi shuddered under the scutiny he was getting.
"Oh, alright. I can't sleep anyway."
They sat down near the waterfall and Anakin had to use all his willpower to not get up and leave, but he knew the right thing to do was listen to Master Plo.
"Anakin, I know you are angry with me."
"There's nothing to say," Anakin said moving farther away from Plo, "Ahsoka's dead and there's nothing I can do to bring her back."
"Yes, she's gone, but you have your memories of her as I do. I remember the day I brought her to the Jedi Temple when she was a baby. Even at a young age I saw the potential of greatness in her, and with your training she achieved her greatest wish....to be a Jedi."
Anakin's anger began to lessen up as he continued to listen to Master Plo.
"At first I was unsure of you training her since you are not much older than her, but you proved me wrong. As she matured, I saw you mature. You brought out the best in her and her in you. The two of you were very close, closer than any Master/Padawan relationship I've ever seen in my many years as a Jedi Master. A closeness like that can be a problem but you two got past that."
"Master Plo," Anakin began to say feeling bad for blaming him.
"Let me finish, young one. Ahsoka's spirit will live on..in you. I see her drive, her caring spirit in you. Don't let her light of innocence and..love die in you. Don't become bitter with anger...you must let her go, but not in this way."
Anakin bowed his head and felt the tears begin to fall.
"I'm so sorry, Master Plo," was all he could say past the lump in his throat.
"I know you are, Anakin, and it is alright to cry. I've done my share today."
Anakin stared at his fellow Jedi and let more tears fall.
Master Plo moved over to comfort him when he got up to run out of the garden........
Artoo beeped in a sad way.
"I miss her, Artoo, and I don't understand half of what I'm feeling," he said swallowing hard, "I want to cry but....can't. It's wrong to appear weak. I am Ahsoka's Master and I have to stay strong."
Artoo emitted a soft whistle.
"I know I need rest, but everytime I close my eyes, I see Ahsoka's face. I think I'll go visit the library. Maybe Madame Jocasta has something new to read."
Jedi Master and Librarian Jocasta Nu sat at a console organizing a group of archives that Yoda had given her earlier in the day when she saw Anakin walk in.
He looks so sad and tired, she thought, poor child, he's hurting.
"Hello, Anakin. What brings you here at this hour?"
"Can't sleep. Thought I'd come here for awhile. You don't mind, do you?"
"Of course not, child. Master Yoda has given me some new material for the archives. Perhaps, you'd like to see them?"
Anakin tried to smile but couldn't. He nodded and looked over at the much older Jedi smiling a maternal smile at him. For a moment he felt his resolve nearly crack.
"Thank you, Madame Jocasta. Ahsoka always enjoyed coming here. Sometimes I wish I came here more often too, Master Obi-Wan always bugged me to study more when I was still his Padawan. Now I can catch up since....I have more time until....Ahsoka's memorial service."
"I'm so sorry, child. Ahsoka was such a promising youngling. She really cared about you and hoped you'd be proud of her."
"I was..." he corrected himself, "I am proud of her but..."
"...you miss her. It is normal to feel sad when you lose a Padawan. I've seen my share of Masters losing Padawans, myself included."
"How did you get through the pain?" Anakin asked as he turned to a shuffling nearby.
"You seek help, young Anakin," came a almost gruff but soothing voice.
It was old Jedi Master Tera Sinube a Cosian who helped the Republic Security with crime solving when it proved unsolvable.
The old Master walked up to where Anakin sat and put a hand alongside Anakin's face.
"Seek out your other Jedi friends, child. Don't go through this alone. I know that Master Plo so wants to help you but you blame him for Ahsoka's death. He hurts too and wants to talk to you. Ahsoka's death was an unfortunate accident."
Anakin frowned and his eyes welled with tears.
"It's alright to cry, child. You are allowed grief for Ahsoka."
"No," Anakin said pulling away from Master Sinube's touch.
Sinube looked over at Jocasta and shrugged his shoulders. He turned away but felt Anakin's hand on his arm.
"I..I'm sorry, Master Sinube. I..just don't understand everything I'm feeling. I feel sad but more angry than sad."
"It's called grief, young one," Sinube answered sitting down nearby, "You are allowed to grieve for Ahsoka. I know you've heard that Jedi aren't supposed to cry, but you can. I've lost Padawans myself in my many years of being in the Jedi Order. I cried for everyone of them."
Anakin felt his throat tighten up. Tears welled in his eyes and trickled down his cheeks. He quickly wiped them away and cleared his throat.
"Anakin, Master Sinube and I were getting ready to have some tea. Would you like to join us?" Madame Jocasta said seeing the pain on the young Jedi's face.
"Sure," Anakin almost whispered feeling relieved at the older Jedis' presence.
A few minutes later Anakin sat in Madame Jocasta's quarters sipping Cosian Black Tea and enjoying Master Sinube's stories. He was getting sleepy and after a bit excused himself to go back to his quarters.
"Try to sleep, child," Madame Jocasta said, "You look pale and I sense you're a little feverish."
"I'm fine," Anakin lied, "thanks for the tea."
He left and began the walk to his quarters when he spotted Master Plo near the doorway. He felt his anger rise but willed it away.
"Anakin," Master Plo said, "Let's go for a walk in the garden."
"No."
Plo looked right into Anakin's blue eyes and the young Jedi shuddered under the scutiny he was getting.
"Oh, alright. I can't sleep anyway."
They sat down near the waterfall and Anakin had to use all his willpower to not get up and leave, but he knew the right thing to do was listen to Master Plo.
"Anakin, I know you are angry with me."
"There's nothing to say," Anakin said moving farther away from Plo, "Ahsoka's dead and there's nothing I can do to bring her back."
"Yes, she's gone, but you have your memories of her as I do. I remember the day I brought her to the Jedi Temple when she was a baby. Even at a young age I saw the potential of greatness in her, and with your training she achieved her greatest wish....to be a Jedi."
Anakin's anger began to lessen up as he continued to listen to Master Plo.
"At first I was unsure of you training her since you are not much older than her, but you proved me wrong. As she matured, I saw you mature. You brought out the best in her and her in you. The two of you were very close, closer than any Master/Padawan relationship I've ever seen in my many years as a Jedi Master. A closeness like that can be a problem but you two got past that."
"Master Plo," Anakin began to say feeling bad for blaming him.
"Let me finish, young one. Ahsoka's spirit will live on..in you. I see her drive, her caring spirit in you. Don't let her light of innocence and..love die in you. Don't become bitter with anger...you must let her go, but not in this way."
Anakin bowed his head and felt the tears begin to fall.
"I'm so sorry, Master Plo," was all he could say past the lump in his throat.
"I know you are, Anakin, and it is alright to cry. I've done my share today."
Anakin stared at his fellow Jedi and let more tears fall.
Master Plo moved over to comfort him when he got up to run out of the garden........